well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
