and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize