Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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