just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
