Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
