Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
