You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
