Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
