btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
