i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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