Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
