Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
