Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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