How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just pee around me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
