is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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