I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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