i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
