I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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