The maid of honor just puked.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
