This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
