is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
