Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
