exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
did i just pee glitter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
