i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
