So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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