one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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