why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
