Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
