woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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