then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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