I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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