Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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