I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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