i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
