this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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