Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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