my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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