I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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