You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
