How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
