On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
