Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
