Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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