and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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