Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think my tv is drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
