Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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