Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize