I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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