If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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