I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
