my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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