don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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