How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
