You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize