i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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