I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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