She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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