Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
