ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
