I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My vagina is officially offended.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize