Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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