how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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