Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
