you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
