I have demons in me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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