I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
