that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
