Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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