I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
