arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
